Brain Farts IV

• Was making a Bloody Mary the other day. Got the Tabasco, shook the bottle and added. Got the Worcestershire Sauce, shook the bottle and added. Got the V-8, shook the bottle and added. Got the Vodka, shook the bottle and added. I don't think Vodka needs shaking. Just to be safe, I also shook the pepper mill. 
• Another drink related faux pas. Got out the booze, mixer, shot glass, and the glass with ice. Poured a shot of mixer over the rocks. No, I didn't then fill the glass with booze. Is it good or bad news that it was the first drink and I was completely sober?
• Went to a restaurant, Tio Carlos, with my son for dinner. I forgot my reading glasses and it was a large menu with small type. He pulled the menu up on his iPhone but I couldn't zoom in far enough to read it. He then pulled it up on my Pixel phone and I could read it but could only get about one entree at a time on the screen. Not ideal, but it worked. The salmon tacos were delicious. Being old and with poor eyesight is no fun.
• Sometimes I clean the hell out of my reading glasses only to realize it's my eyes that are blurry.
• I've been known to drink a Greyhound cocktail on occasion. That's vodka (or gin) and grapefruit juice. It's a Salty Dog if you salt the rim. The other night I mixed one, then put the vodka in the fridge and the grapefruit juice in the cupboard. I swear it was the first of the evening. 
• I can't count the number of times I've taken off my hat with my sunglasses still on the bill. Of course, I always do it in the entryway or kitchen which are tiled. Never in a carpeted area or out in the grass. 
• Saving coupons is pretty much useless if you never remember to take them to the store. Thankful for those automatic digital e-coupons. 
• Was streaming music on my Google Home speaker. Found out the TV remote volume button has little or no effect. 
• I am good about turning the lights off when I leave a room. Didn't do it the other day when I left the kitchen. So, next time I went into the kitchen, I automatically reached for the switch and turned it off. There I was standing in a dark kitchen.
• I sometimes compose a wonderful text and then turn off the phone instead of hitting send. Of course, I get pissed at the person I "sent" it to for not responding. 
• Most evenings that I'm home I close the blinds of my patio sliding door at dusk and turn on the lamp next to my recliner. The other night, at dusk, I got out of the recliner, walked to the kitchen, and turned on the light. That light is way too far away to read or type on the PC and the blinds were still open.
• The other day, I went to the bathroom to take a couple of aspirins. I opened the medicine cabinet, grabbed the toothpaste and proceeded to brush my teeth. Toothpaste is the only reason I open the medicine cabinet about 99% of the time. Guess muscle memory overrode brain memory, which gets weaker every day. Yes, I did then remember to take the aspirin with my freshly clean teeth.
• I have timers on my Google Home, Echo, microwave, phone, watch, a tablet, and a couple of PCs. Unfortunately, you have to remember to set at least one of them to actually time something. 
• I need a smarter oven. One that sets the temperature and turns on automatically when I insert food. Regardless of the temperature set, unless you turn the oven on it takes an eternity to bake or broil stuff.
• For men only. Have you ever gone to a public urinal, unzipped and then been unable to find the slit in your underwear, a moment of panic? Me neither.
• I was putting on some athletic pants the other day. They have a drawstring. I somehow managed to catch my big toe in the loop and almost fell over. Luckily I regained my balance. Maybe at my age, I should sit down to put my pants on. 
• One early evening/late afternoon we went to a local burger joint to eat. As we pulled into an almost empty parking lot I remarked, shouldn't there be more people here on a Saturday? Then she informed me it was Tuesday. Close.
• I've set up different ringtones and text notification tones for a few of my regular contacts. Unfortunately, I can't remember which tone goes with which person. 
• I was watching TV on a primary election night when a political ad came on. I wondered why were they showing political ads hours after the polls closed. Then I realized it was a program I had recorded the day before. 
• Today I got home from the grocery store, grabbed my two bags, went in the door, walked past the kitchen and proceeded to the living room. Don't know about you, but I rarely store my groceries in the living room. 
• I have also determined that you can not fold your reusable grocery bags flat when you leave items in them. 
• It's official, my home technology is smarter than I am. I put something in the oven and said "OK Google set alarm for 30 minutes" it replied, "OK, setting timer for 30 minutes." 
• Stupid oven. I set the temperature to 425° but failed to turn it on to BAKE. It didn't get even warm. Shouldn't it know what I meant? This appears to be a repeat of an earlier item. Neither my oven or I am getting any smarter. 
• I usually have a mug of hot tea in the morning. I brew it in the microwave. Today I put the teabag and water in the mug and then put it in the fridge.
• You would think it almost impossible to misplace your reading glasses 57 times in one day. Maybe not.
• There is at least a 50/50 chance that when I leave the house, I have forgotten something. Phone, glasses, etc.
• Sometimes it takes multiple return trips because apparently if you forget two or more things you can only retrieve them one item at a time. 
• When walking to the office to pay the rent, it helps if you actually take the check with you. 

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