Very Random Thoughts - September 2016

• Remember when there was only one kind or flavor of Coca-Cola, one Pepsi, one Budweiser, one Oreos, one Special K, etc.?
• It seems that the most macho, well armed, tough guys are also the most paranoid and afraid. 
• I find it almost impossible to watch The Weather Chanel. A slight drizzle is not a catastrophe. The hype is overwhelming. 
• Do you think when the TSA talks about new rules &/or procedures, someone says "this won't do a damn thing to improve security but it will really piss off the passengers"? Then the head guy says "I like it, let's do it". 
• Pumpkin flavored crap and Halloween candy now appear at the end of August. 
• I am never confident that I have completely emptied all the pockets in my cargo shorts before I wash them.
• Those "Last Chance to Save" emails are usually followed the next day by an email for a new sale.
• Marketing BS. Putting "Gluten Free" on a product that has never had gluten. Like candy or ice cream or chicken breasts. Remember only 1 or 2% of the population is gluten intolerant.
• Remember too that often times "Gluten Free" also actually means "Flavor Free". But they don't advertise that.
• Do you think the lobsters at Red Lobster get pissed when they have a shrimp or crab special?
• Do you ever graze the kitchen when the fridge and cupboard are jam packed but you can't find anything to eat? Is that the equivalent of a woman looking into a fully stocked closet only to determine she has nothing to wear?
• Don't take the TV remote to the kitchen. You will leave it there and only have to get up again to fetch it.
• Sometimes when I write something, I mention that the youngsters should ask their parents what I'm talking about. I am beginning to realize that I need to tell the kids and their parents to ask the grandparents about the references. 
• In the old Westerns, whenever somebody got knocked out by a punch or gun barrel to the head, they could always be revived instantly by some water splashed on the face. No concussion protocol at all.
• The Post Office finally came out with a good deal when they introduced the forever stamps. So what do they do this year? They reduce first class stamp prices. Now all your old forever stamps are overpriced. 
• Staunch gun advocates seem to be paranoid too. Which comes first, the paranoia or the guns?
• I used to think "stars" were famous sports greats or movie, stage and TV actors. Now we have reality stars, YouTube stars, Facebook stars, Vine stars, Instagram stars, etc. Everybody is a damn star. From now on refer to me as a retired star or an old star or a short star or a bald star or a fill in the blank star.
• I don't think we will get better candidates and politicians until we get a more conscientious and informed electorate. I hope we reached the bottom this election cycle.
• Strange. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years and haven't really had a craving for one in probably 9 years 11 months. So today I woke up from dozing off and thought I needed a cigarette. 
• Got an email from a fitness tracking site with the heading "Avoid Bonking On The Bike With These Easy Tips". I misread "bonking" for "banking" and wondered why banking on a bike was something I should avoid. I actually do it all the time. I have also bonked on a bike ride and it's no fun.
• I just missed a "last chance" sale opportunity. Now I'll have to wait until tomorrow or maybe the day after for an even better "last chance" deal. 
• I have always been a news junkie, but I hate the way it is now covered and reported. 
• Does every food product have to have a "pumpkin & spice" flavor for autumn? 
• Amazing how football analysts can turn on a dime from calling a team terrible to calling them the best ever. It only takes a couple of plays and may flip flop a few times during a single 60 minutes game.
• Is there a school that all politicians and their surrogates go to learn how to avoid answering questions?
• Do commercial food chemists get paid by the number of ingredients that they can cram into a product? Do they get a bonus if those ingredients are obscure and unpronounceable? 
• Wouldn't it be great if one of those inane  "Select Committee" congressional panels were convened to find a solution rather than pin blame on a political rival? How about if grandstanding and hyperbole were banned during the public hearings. Never happen.
• I remember when you weren't supposed to mix stripes, checks and plaids in your wardrobe. Too busy. Now it seems like it is mandatory to get as many different patterns as possible into the same outfit. Still looks crappy to me.
• There is a Chevy commercial on TV where the guy brags that their vehicles have won all the awards shown on a big wall. There must be at least 20 awards. My take is that there are way too many meaningless auto awards. 

wjh